Start with plain, old-fashioned listening.  Kids tend to talk in the car, and talk far more than they do at home.  You might need to institute a “no electronics” rule as you travel, but it can be well worth your while.  Without the distraction of the television, video game set, stereo, and toys, there is little left to do BUT talk.  Something about the lack of eye contact even makes talking about those difficult subjects a bit easier, too.  Children riding in cars with their parents sometimes share bits of their lives, information about their friends, their fears, their dreams, and their problems.  Riding is rapidly replacing the vanishing family dinner table as the time for conversation, and many families are finding that if you can’t beat ‘em, you might as well join ‘em.

The same rules apply to mobile conversations as those that previous generations had around dinner tables.  Be a good listener, and avoid disciplinary or corrective comments.  Keep the conversation a pleasant time of sharing so that everyone feels comfortable.  Make sure everyone in the car gets a turn to speak, and that no one tramples the feelings of others.  Respect for others’ opinions and civil conversation rules should apply to everyone.

So why is it so important to keep these rolling conversations going?  Why bother nurturing them and enforcing rules?  It’s much simpler just to turn the volume up on the radio and allow everyone to disappear into his or her own private thoughts.  Why should we work to keep conversations active?  It’s simple, really.  Pleasant conversations with parents and other adults help children in lots of ways.  Kids who converse are more socially adept than their peers.  They build a closer bond with their parents.  They are less likely to indulge in risky behaviors as teens, and parents know more about their children’s activities if you keep these lines of communication open.

Conversation with family is a safe time to practice many social skills.  Children who are involved in regular conversations learn the give and take pattern, discover more about how to read body language and facial cues, and better perceive underlying meanings from tone, word choice, and other subtle clues.  These abilities will help your child to succeed in the social milieu of school, church events, youth meetings, teams, parties, and other group situations.  A child who is deprived of this practice is condemned to learn these skills from peers in less supportive environments.  If a child does not succeed, he or she may have difficulty in social situations well into adulthood.

Any relationship needs attention and nurturing.  We’ve all had friendships wither and die due to lack of communication and conversation.  Without regular contact, it’s very difficult to keep a friendship alive and help it to grow.  Parents who want a close relationship and eventually have friendship with their adult children need to begin laying the foundations for that in childhood.  Travel-time conversations are one way to find the time to begin the process.  As you and your child chat, you are showing that your youngster holds an important place in your heart and mind.  Your attention is a powerful tool!

During these times of nonthreatening communication, you will have countless opportunities to express your beliefs and your feelings about sensitive and controversial topics.  It’s a great tool to help you convey your values to your children.  Youngsters may not have the opportunity to see you apply these important life tools, but you can discuss times and places where you have made moral decisions and their outcomes.  You can help your child to learn to consider consequences and match actions with values.  In this way, you can influence your youngster along the paths that you feel are best.

In addition, conversation builds academic skills.  Children who converse with adults on a regular basis use a larger vocabulary, employ more complex sentence structure, and can express themselves more freely than those who do not.  These fundamental language skills, in turn, support improved reading and writing skills.  Students who have a wide vocabulary have an easier time understanding the material that they read and can identify unfamiliar words more readily.  Writers who have a good command of oral language are more able to set their words to paper to create various kinds of written projects.  Children who have developed the listening skills necessary to participate in give-and-take conversation also develop the skills necessary to listen to oral directions and follow them.

Conversation with adults will also add to your child’s store of basic knowledge as you discuss your surroundings, current events, historical perspectives, and the underlying reasons why the world is the way it is.  For young children, this may take the form of answering “why” and “what if” questions.  And just like favorite story books, children may need to hear the answers to favorite questions again and again.  This is a normal and natural part of the learning process, and hopefully you will indulge your young friend.  The repetition meets a number of psychological needs as well as cementing concepts into place.  Older children will increasingly want to delve into history questions, like “what was it like when..” and “how did this happen?”  They will search for deeper answers to questions that begin with “why,” and for further information on ideas that have been presented to them elsewhere.

Don’t bemoan the number of hours you spend on the road with your children; take advantage of it!  “Mom’s Taxi” is a great place to converse and truly get to know your passengers.  You can build social skills, develop values, add to knowledge and much, much more as you chat with the folks in the backseat.  And you may even learn a bit about them and their lives if you listen carefully.  Turn off the radio, turn off the CD players, and put away the hand-held video games.  Car time doesn’t have to be wasted time!  It can be the most valuable time of the day.

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Got a question?  Leave me a comment!  I’ll get right back to you.