Did you know that sometimes the beauty industry lies to you just to sell you products? I know. Shocker!
As I was surfing around on my Facebook page a friend of mine had posted this video of a crazy beauty contraption that is supposed to reduce wrinkles and make you look younger. See video below. Watch the whole 4 minutes. Trust me!
This video kick started a fun search of wacky and crazy beauty products that I just had to share. And in David Letterman-esque style, here are the top 10 wacky and crazy beauty products on the market, based solely on my humble yet biased opinion.
Number 10- Beauty Smile Trainer
For those of you who want to turn that frown upside down just insert and instant smile.
Number 9- The F-Cup Cookie
Disclaimer-The “F” in F-Cup represents your desired bra cup.
This, my friends, is a train wreck of a product. My blog isn’t nearly long enough to discuss all wrongness of this product. Long to short, apparently long, long ago an Asian doctor determined that the herb Kwoa Krua, found in and around Thailand, had wonderful medicinal benefits such as increased blood circulation, increased energy and could even help to knock out sleep issues. Fast forward. Today, Japanese scientists believe and even claim it can unleash the breast beast until your cups runneth over.
Ok, I just wanna know who decided a cookie would be the best transfer vehicle of this herb? Think about it, there are so many other options out there. Tea. Pill. Tincture. Lotion. But a cookie? Did you even know that many Asian countries don’t even eat desserts?
Then there’s the choice of cup size. Have you noticed the size of most Asian women? Without creating a flame war on racial profiling, I’m thinking a majority of Asian women are quite petite. A size F chest would cause the average Asian woman to FALL OVER. She couldn’t hold them up! Two words. Hot. Mess.
Number 8 -The Spermine Facial
Townhouse Spa in Manhattan offers Spermine treatment for the face. Yes, the main ingredient is sperm. A Norwegian company called Bioforskning (really, that’s what you named your company?) sells sperm based products in the market.
Apparently, this ingredient, Spermine is 30 times stronger than Vitamin E. The cream is applied over skin and then ultrasound and infrared light is used to help the product penetrate the lipid barrier. The treatment costs $250 for 10 minutes. I researched the Townhouse Spa website and was unfortunately unable to find the Spermine Facial on their website. I’m assuming you would have to be ‘in the know’ to get this treatment, as it’s not a normal menu item.
However, lucky you! You can purchase these Bioforskning products under the name Skin Science from Harveynicoles.com for around $200 a bottle. Do you think the makers were trying to be funny when naming one of their products Skin Science Bio Quicklift?
If you’re on a tight budget, you can source your own and give it a try.
Number 7 –Bacon Perfume
Number 6 – The Face Slimmer
Step right up and get your very own Freddy Kruger/Hannibal Lechter Face Slimmer. Strap on and hundreds of micro droplets of water pelt your face steaming the fat away. Leaving your face slimmer and making you feel more confident and sexy. Yours for the low, low price of just $19.99 plus shipping and handling. Order in the next five minutes and you can get two Face Slimmers, because one just couldn’t be enough!
Number 5- Urlington’s Pickles and Peanut Butter Sandwich Vegan Lip Conditioner
Number 4- The Beer Bath
Ok, all you men out there, I give you permission to celebrate. Heck, go ahead and jump up and down if you want. Just KNOWING there is such a thing as a beer bath, you can now officially justify it in your own homes. Although bathing in a tub of beer sounds like every man’s fantasy (among others) it is pretty bizarre labeled as a beauty treatment. Spas in Europe offer this beauty treatment to their customers. Supposedly, the vitamins in the beer bath rejuvenate the pores and relieve muscle tension. Just HOW is the muscle tension being relieved? Is it the soaking, or the sipping? And get this; customers have the choice of soaking in either a lager or a pilsner beer. I’m guessing the longer you soak and sample, the less you care about WHAT is soaking in your beer.
Number 3-Eyelid Glue
Apparently, in Asian countries, there’s a trending going on that involves Asian women wanting to open their eyes wider. Due to the fact that Asia, as a culture, has a heavier eye lid, and more of a slant, vs. the almond shape typical to European eyes. Asian women are trying to open their eyes, to almost cartoonish proportions, much like the Anime Japanese cartoons.
How do they do this? Eyelid Glue. Follow the instructions and you can glue your eyelids as high as you would like. And if that’s not working for you, you can clip your eyes, just like you can clip your hair.
Number 2-Snake Massage
A spa owner in Israel has decided that snakes have a calming effect on people. What people? Who? Would YOU get a snake massage? Hard to imagine that people would pay money to allow snakes to slither and creep all over their backside?
No. Just. No. Hell no.
Number 1-Extreem Eyelash Extensions
Extreme epic fail.
I hope you found these odd beauty rituals as amusing as I did. However, when in doubt just visit my Sensaria website, www.mysensaria.com/christinebrown. No outlandish claims. No lies. Just effective skin and body products, naturally!